That was easy.

Just a few days ago…

CHECK

The operative word being “pretending”…

CHECK

Old photos/videos different beard and you did the hallway walk already, Sam, but who cares, right? It’s all make believe, anyway.

Who knew it was that easy, though? Now let me try with something we really care about…

6. Your fans want to see you be honest, for once, about your relationship with Caitriona Balfe. If she won’t do it, you should. Leak a photo. Photobomb her with your hand again. Except this time, label it for the hard of accepting the truth.

The show is obviously teetering on the edge of cancellation before Season 5 ever gets underway. If it’s not teetering, it’s most certainly in ICU. The industry must know this. The chatter has got to be widespread. Two scripts after 8 months off, and only one of them is decent? No amount of fake news is going to stop people from realizing that the negative chatter after the Season 4 finale was a portend of trouble to come.

Production is at a standstill, and Just Jared and this drivel is the best they have to offer.

Umm, yeah. No. Keeping basic, boilerplate information from hungry fans about a tv show isn’t a sign of popularity, nor is it a marketing strategy — it’s a sign of angst behind-the-scenes.

This show is hemorrhaging fans and viewers. The author of the books is running her mouth about how awful one out of two finished scripts was, and the two leads are pretending filming is starting soon by posting old set videos.

I mean…what do you even say after that?

SOMEONE CALL SECURITY — QUICK!!

I don’t know, just a suggestion. Maybe next time don’t bite the hand that feeds you. Seems like something a show with a decent pedigree not Outlander would already know.

Honestly, Sam. Wouldn’t this just be the ideal time to test the true mettle of the fandom, and how much they care about you and Cait, and the show? Even I some lapsed shippers would probably come out of hibernation. The antis? All 10 of them will survive. Purv is gone (good double teaming and you’re welcome you owe me a muffin basket), and CO says she has no interest in talking about your personal life anymore.

Isn’t this the perfect time to change the narrative from all of the lies, and misdirection, and concealment of these last 4 years? Isn’t it the perfect time to shake things up? To unburden yourself from the constant effort to sell something that doesn’t need to be sold?

Your fans don’t want to see you casually talking to Minka Kelly in a staged photo op. They want to see you in London with Cait, out to dinner, or shopping, or at a play. They want to see you at another rugby match with her, or playing tennis, or anything that shows that you don’t hate each other beyond sporadic social media comments. Just dip into your phone, pull out one of the zillion photos of you and Cait, and pretend it’s new, just like your return to the gym and the studio.

Why in the world would you hold back now unless you, yourself, are hoping for cancellation? This is literally the only way to shift the energy and the narrative to something positive. Something that will get the fans engaged, enthused, and hopeful. If no one has told you that, or encouraged the same, you have surrounded yourself with enablers (and not the good kind like your friend, Wendy.)

Of course it will be awkward at first. Of course there will be a certain amount of explaining, and discomfort. That’s never going to change, whether the truth is told now, or when the show is finally cancelled sooner than you think.

What’d ya say, Sam? Are you game? Drop us an Insta story with a certain brown-haired lass — a decent one, and not one for show — and watch the tsunami of love that follows. Give it a shot. You have nothing to lose. Things can’t get more bleak for your future as a producer, or the health of this show.

Just jump. Trust me, the fans will be there to catch you. Most people are suckers for an honest admission, and everyone is a sucker for love.

Datalounge, don’t make me come after you.

Yesterday, an anon came to this blog with information about where Sam had stayed while in either Memphis, or Nashville, I really don’t remember which city. She said she knew someone who worked at the local hotel that generally houses people of note, and said that Sam and another male stayed there. The other male was commonly thought to be his friend, Alex. The anon told of the floor on which they stayed, how they checked in, the type of accommodations they had, and how Sam took his meals. I assume she was telling the truth, but who knows anymore. This is typically not the kind of information that comes to me via an anon. I figured since Tumblr was shunning Graceland, I was probably the next best thing.

I joked that Alex was his boyfriend. I deadpanned it for more than one answer. I can do that on my blog because not only is that who I am, but I have also spent the last 4 years trying to convince every Tom, Dick and Paul Camuso that Sam Heughan gets boners on the regular from Caitriona Balfe. I can do that because I have a 3 year blogging history, and a notorious reputation for insisting that not only are Sam and Cait married — but they have a family, to boot. Why in the ever loving world would I ever think that Sam and that guy are lovers? Not even 10 days ago, I wrote a post about how there should be no question in anyone’s mind that Sam Heughan and Caitriona Balfe are together.

There are a lot of things of which I could accuse Sam Heughan right now. Having bad judgement is chief among them. Hiding his male lover? Not one of them. But, as they say in communications, if you’re explaining, you’re losing. The fact that I had to explain my comments means I will never again deadpan about Sam Heughan’s sexuality.

I am, however, wildly flattered to know how much attention my stupid little blog is getting.

“I’m going to Graceland, Graceland, Memphis, Tennessee, I’m going to Graceland…

Yeah, this is totally what I was expecting to see today. 100% when I think of Elvis, and Memphis, and ribs, and rockabilly, and houses of dead people, I think of Sam Heughan.

Idk, I’m kind of at a loss for words at this point. Just when I think this circus couldn’t get any more weird, Sam Heughan goes to Graceland. I’ve seen a lot in this fandom in the last 4 1/2 years, but I don’t think I have ever seen anything more incongruous, more inexplicable, or more D-list than this. And, I’ve seen him on a party boat with people beating a tuna to death, and dancing the hokey pokey in a kilt, at an okey hokey wedding in Georgia.

I guess this is one way to take a career. I’ve heard celebrity appearances can be lucrative. A Sweet 16 here, a Bar Mitzvah there. “Here’s to Tiffany on her 16th! Mom, and Dad, you’ve got a man-killer on your hands! Slàinte mhath!””Mazel Tov, Benjamin. Today you are a man. Mom, and Dad, as soon as Ben’s braces come off, he’s going to be a lady-killer. Slàinte mhath!”

Usually, though, a celebrity makes sure to not let it get around that they’re up to these kinds of hijinks — #heughligans — but, ok. I’ll go with it. I’ll bite. What in the heck was Sam Heughan doing at Graceland? Was he

1. doing research for his next role as not in a million years Elvis?
2. setting us up for when a random Instagram picture of a semi-pretty woman and Sam doing the side hug at Graceland with some suggestive caption, is dropped into inboxes of shippers and Extreme Antis, making everyone wonder “who is that girl with Sam Heughan??!!“.
3. desperate for cash and attended the birthday party of Lisa Marie’s granddaughter’s piano teacher (also known as a Heughligan’s 80th)
4. is trolling Purv, who is @elvis4scilla on Twitter, hoping she won’t be able to keep it in her pants and will out herself on her now-defunct P-Redux blog, or
5. not getting it that people don’t want to see him swanning around the U.S. They want to see him back in Scotland with his friend, Valbo, pretending he’s getting ready to film season 5, which you just know is easily a month away because they clearly had to scrap everything after the shit show that went down after the finale of season 4.

Does this remind anyone else of the time Cait went to Cannes and wouldn’t leave? Remember? Everyday there was a new photoshoot with her, or a party picture, to the point where Cannes management was vacuuming around her and stacking the rental chairs, and she was still posing? Feels a little like that, now, doesn’t it?

Is the irony of this lost on anyone other than me? Purv’s fake birthday is on the day Elvis died.

Sam, America is vacuuming around you. We’re stacking the chairs and turning out the lights. It’s time to go home. Or, at the very least, cease and desist with the staged photo ops. He’s starting to look like Mauzy, only with more money, and worse hair. Next thing you know, he’ll be a docent at every tourist trap in America.

(Xanadu)

“Stay to the right of the rope, no touching, and if you look to your left you’ll be able to see the actual toilet on which Elvis died…”.

Coming soon, to a state fair near you. “Slàinte mhath, y’all!”

Personal

Thank you for that information. I appreciate it. I will go back to Twitter tomorrow. xo

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“Life is balance of holding on and letting go.” Rumi

It’s here, witches bitches! Spring has finally sprung, and we’re not only in the midst of the spring equinox, we’re in the midst of a super full moon. I’m not a witchy person by nature, but I’m a huge believer in energy.

If you don’t understand energy, simply put, it that’s thing that makes the phone ring, or the text ding right when you’re thinking about the person on the other end. I have that energy connection with my girl, Stella. Easily 2-3 times/day one of us is thinking about the other at the exact time we reach out to connect. I’m sure you all have experienced it, as well. The other day, I said to myself, “the phone is going to ring and it’s going to be her.” Needless to say…

My other girl, Amanda, has it in spades. I joke with her all the time. It seems every time she gets bad news, or is disappointed, something wonderful comes into her life in short order to balance it all out. It happens with such frequency, that now when she tells me something bad has happened, I just say “Wait a minute.” I’m always right.

Energy is when you’ve had a loved one who has long since departed on your mind, and their favorite song comes on the radio. Energy is the power of prayer. Last week my 16 year old dog, Buddy, took what I thought was his final turn for the worse. I thought this was it — his time had finally come. I tearfully prepared myself for what had to be done, had that talk you do with your loved ones who have passed over, and asked them to care for him and love him as I have. For 18 hours he didn’t get out of bed. Wouldn’t take water when I brought it to him. No appetite, not even for his favorite treats. No bathroom breaks. At 16, I knew I shouldn’t be surprised. However, I asked the universe for healing energy for my boy. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. Today on his morning walk, as he took off on a gallop straight out the door, I could have sworn he gave me the side eye for almost giving him the needle last week. I don’t know if it was the universe, or the healing energy, I just know I asked, and he’s still here, doing pretty well for now, for a senior citizen.

Not so fast, lady.

Some people call these things coincidences. Whatever label you choose, it’s all still energy.

I’m taking the symbolism and the energy of this moment to reflect and provide myself with some closure. I’ve given so much thought about this fandom, the last year, Purv, Sam and Cait, the private investigation, and the whole Outlander experience. I’m working on a Master Post about it all now (you-know-who is not wriggling out unscathed — don’t worry). The post is taking some time to write. I’m not good at time management, so offering a timeline is out of the question. I hope it will be worth the wait for you, and cathartic for me.

Make a wish, plant a flower, get rid of the darkness, and put some renewing energy out there. Even if you don’t believe, you know it can’t hurt.

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I know it’s been talked to death around these parts, but I really haven’t gone there much.  But then, Sam posted this photo, and I just have to ask — what the ever loving hell happened to him below?  

Why would anyone who cares about him do this to him? Why would he do this to himself? I honestly tried to avoid this subject because I’m so deep into my own weird hair fetish, that sometimes I lose perspective, go down the rabbit hole of hair insanity, and in the end, realize it was just a bad blowout, or a humid day.

Nuh huh. There are no words here. As a lover of beautiful things, I am offended. Sam’s Vanity Fair/weird Barbour promo hair literally looks like the haircut my youngest daughter gave her favorite Barbie when she was 8.  We never heard the end of it — ‘why didn’t we tell her that Barbie hair doesn’t grow back and how was she supposed to know that’s the end of that because she’s just a kid not her fault we suck’. A chunk cut out of here, some shaving over there, next thing you know

“WHAT HAPPENED TO BARBIE???!?!?!? Waaaaah!!!!”

I don’t know, friends. It’s bad enough that it happened. It’s even worse that he let it happen. Honest to god, if that happened to me, I’d be all “Marina, do you have a friend who can get fitted for a gown in the next hour and a half? I’ve got 110 degree fever. No, don’t bring me chicken soup, I’m pretty sure I’m contagious and will have to cancel everything for the next 6 weeks. So sorry. Regards to Cait. ” There had to have been alcohol and a dare involved.

Good news and bad news for his friend, Wendy, though. Good news is, she clearly knows how to groom him because I’m assuming that top picture is her handiwork, him having tagged her. Maybe now she can get out from underneath the stench of those cheap wigs. The bad news for his friend, Wendy, is that if you swipe left, you see the Talented Mister Ripley’s Rejected Cousin, and Wendy’s still tagged.

In three, two, …

It was inevitable, of course. What else would we expect? The above screen cap was shared with me from an Extreme Anti’s blog.

I was just saying to Stella the other day that had the shoe been on the other foot, and the woman selected for a date with Sam was an Extreme Anti? Holy smokes would shippers be pisssssssed. Even this recovering shipper would have been all “et tu, Sam?” I’m not sure what exactly would have taken place had that happened, but I am certain it would have been the proverbial nail in the coffin for easily 90% of any shippers who still remain.

That’s not a small thing you guys, if as so many have attested, this girl is a shipper. Not after the 4+ years of the ongoing War of the Shantis (shippers/ antis couple name). I’m not saying it means anything, or it’s one of those useless breadcrumbs. I’m just saying that historically and emotionally speaking, for this little slice of the fandom, this is a big deal.

I remember in the early days when Sam would ‘like’ a tweet of an arch rival, some of us would sulk for hours, trying to lift each other’s spirits (LOL what a waste of time that was, in retrospect). So, the fact that after all this build-up, and all this speculation, and allllll this vetting, the grand prize winner is hoping that her date for the night is secretly married to his co-star? I mean…

What else is left, except for the Extreme Antis to cluster amongst themselves to find out if this girl is legit a shipper. If she is, they have to diminish her experience somehow, by talking about a rigged system, or Sam stealing money, or some such nonsense. Or, they can revert to the anon above who “happens to know her”.

I’m a sucker for a good “happen to know”, or “happened to run into” story, aren’t you? This is an oldie, but goodie.

If you’re anything like me, you love it when someone who knows someone for real can find random blogs to inform the blogger that they know someone, and that they are there to tell the uninformed blogger in a hate-filled way what the real truth is. I can’t get enough of it.

Now what do they call you people who Chris Parnell, and Lynette Rice, and William Shatner, and several entertainment columnists can’t stop talking about? “Shippies”? “Shippers”?

It’s shippers, dammit!! S-H-I-P-P-E-R-S.

“Who are these shippers of whom you speak? I don’t believe I’ve ever heard of them before, what with me being here on your blog, and all.”

Her, too? Shippers need a better publicist. I’ll volunteer.

What would make someone who met people at the NY Comic Con, and happened to compare receipts with people who call themselves shippers, be thought of as a shipper herself? After all, this person who went to the Con and met shippers doesn’t even know what a shipper is. You know how I know that? That anon came and said so. I’m sure she’s reliable.

(Someone should def ask Caitlyn though, if she saw Mauzy wearing her Barbour jacket in the VIP area. Also, the fact that the anon above said Caitlyn is “one of the kindest, sweetest people…” Spoiler alert — we could all tell that from the video, which is one of the reasons she was chosen. They obviously interviewed her at least once before she got gussied up to speak on camera. Sam could tell, too. So could Omaze. So could the lawyers. So could the social media researchers. No insider insight there, sister.)

Know who else supposedly knows people and can set you straight? Purv. She knows people who know Mauzy, and Tony, and Abbie. She knows them. She’s said she does. Pickle knows someone who is a distant relative to the Mauzys, and that’s how she met the whole Mauzy family and got them to tell her something personal about Sam. That is crazy amazing that only people who don’t believe that Sam and Cait are a couple, and think shippers are fucked up, are the ones who end up knowing people who have all the answers.

So, I guess it should come as no surprise when someone came to an anti blog who knows Caitlyn to unequivocally state that Caitlyn is NOT a shipper.

“Stop the speculation.” I demand you stop this speculation.

“Stop with the ridiculous shipping.” I demand you stop this shipping. (Just one of many times I’ve been told to stop shipping). A lot of orders going down around here about how people should think and behave.

Whatever the strategy, there is one Extreme Anti Cho Huang who will never, ever let it go because Sam chose a shipper.

And, now Sam must pay. And, shippers must pay. And Omaze must pay. She will get to the bottom of this with rumors and lies. Just as she does with everything else. You wait. We’re not done here. This will continue to get ugly. Because that’s what happens. Everything gets shit on. For four years Sam and Cait have allowed this environment to fester because they’ve chosen lies over truth, and now they’re paying the price with their own reputations among their own charities, and among the companies with whom they partner.

Fortunately for Caitlyn, I’m sure Sam will do his best to protect her and whomever she brings as her plus one (please let it be her mother). It doesn’t matter, though. The damage is already done, and as always, we still can’t have anything nice.

Really?

This is just my opinion. I know there are many who enjoy being fangirls. I completely get and respect that. This post is why I, personally, resent the celebrity culture. Because, once an actor enters the rarified air of freebies, upgrades, VIP attention, and endless invites, it is the lonely few who remain unscathed. It always seems that once the carrot is dangled and grabbed, authenticity takes a hike. Everything about celebrities becomes a curated mirage. If the college cheating scandal that ensnared the most unlikely of criminals doesn’t convince you of that, nothing will.

Several years ago, I met a fellow shipper on Tumblr who, as it turned out, was a fashion stylist. Her occupation was something no one would have known, since she wasn’t a particularly vocal shipper. Based in NYC, she had worked for some time in Hollywood, and before that as a casting agent. Unfortunately, we lost touch, but she was one of the most insightful, level-headed, informative people I’ve met since entering this fandom. As we got to know each other, I asked her why someone in the industry would be a shipper. “Simple,” she said. She saw something special in Sam and Cait that she had never seen between two actors who were in love. She saw authenticity. She said it was rare, but those two had it. Naturally, as time went on, she began to see things differently, and eventually packed her tent and went home. She was right. They were different.

After a 14-month stint of insulting fans, faking an engagement, blocking fans, and blowing them off for a vacation in Mexico, Cait posted back-to-back posts about her 1% lifestyle, and followed it up with a stern armchair warning about climate change that probably took her all of 3 minutes to post, including the pat she gave herself on the back for her political activism. I’m sure she thought the latter post was the perfect yin to the yang of her doubly delicious, wholly relatable posts about outdoor showers at a Hawaiian resort, and $2000 facials.

This is why she has to buy Instagram followers (400,000 in the last 6 months alone, most of whom have locked accounts, or are guys named Juan).  She either doesn’t care, or hasn’t a clue who her fan base is.

Actors are products.  I’ve said this before.  A product has to be continually marketed, or it becomes obsolete.  Cait understands that. She was a model. She posed for ads for companies that sold products.

There are always new, shiny objects waiting to take an actor’s place.  Sam knows this.  He takes that to heart.  Too much for my taste, but the guy gets it.  He gives away just enough of his life to make people think they know him.  He addresses his fans in a smoke and mirrors fashion to give the illusion he has brought them into his life.  He hasn’t.  He just smiles, shows enough leg, and grabs the ladies every time. He has changed immensely from the effusive, jubilant, heart-on-his-sleeve guy we first met more than 4 years ago. Yet, even with his #humanbillboard status, he still manages to maintain an air of authenticity.

Cait is a different story altogether.  Perusing her Instagram account is like watching paint dry.

Yeah, OK. Whatever, weirdo. You do realize there is absolutely no connection between your birthday month and this car wash in the minds of 99.99999999999999% of everyone reading this, right?

I mean, it’s her Instagram. She can obviously post what makes her happy. But, if it’s supposed to be a reflection of who she is, and she’s hoping people like what they see — I’ll take a hard pass, thanks.

Naturally, she received the anticipated “Queen!” when she posted a heavily airbrushed photo of herself, pretending the end result was due to a special cream concocted by her ubiquitously starstruck friends, which is sold at the very reasonably-priced Neiman Marcus.

Really?

She was quick to tell us all that we weren’t to think she was posting an ad. Wait, what? It’s been a few years since my ad creation days, but generally speaking, when a celebrity takes a posed photo with a product, makes sure they appear as the ultimate representation of that product, articulates its features and benefits, adds a selling tip, and tells you where to get it — that’s an ad. To call it anything else would be disingenuous.

But, then again, this is the woman who has been engaged to her gay personal assistant fiance’ for 14 months, is approaching 40, has an unabashed affection for children, but failed to get married during her 8-month hiatus.

Sure, Jan. I’ll have whatever she’s having. (As long as it’s free.)

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In a country not known for violence.

This guy

Preamble…  

I’m a politico.  Have been since college. Am especially so during presidential elections.  With SamCait shipping put on ice, politics is my social media drug of choice.  I love nothing more than discussing Democratic political strategy with like-minded people. I will likely take my political compulsions to my other blog, ‘Today’s Fresh Hell’, which has remained dormant for a while.  I’ll keep you posted.

I realize this blog began, and only really thrives, if it is talking about ‘Outlander’.  Rest assured, politics won’t take center stage here.  However, for today at least, I’m taking a break from whiskey hand jobs, creepy apartment purchases, and Tony showering with Cait, to quickly opine about the Democratic nominees for president.

If you don’t know him, or haven’t paid attention, in a normal election year, this guy above — Beto O’Rourke (pronounced BET OH) — would be the odds-on favorite to walk away with the Democratic nomination for president, without breaking a sweat. He’s that good of a natural, charismatic, passionate, articulate, likeable candidate. Dare I say the comparisons with Obama are not unfounded. Watch the video below when you get a chance. Please.

But, then there’s Uncle Joe. The political version of comfort food. The Pavlovian response to a far more stable, reassuring time, not so very long ago.

President Barack Obama presents Vice President Joe Biden with the Presidential Medal of Freedom during a ceremony in the State Dining Room of the White House in Washington, Thursday, Jan. 12, 2017. (AP Photo/Susan Walsh)

Give me a man who cries when being honored by his country.

I bring these two men up, not because I want to push another 4 years of white guys running our nation. I was a Hillary girl. I’m still a Hillary girl. I wanted that woman to break the glass ceiling in the worst way. But, 2020 is not 2016. This time our needs are not only political, in nature. Competency for the job is no longer enough.

We are in desperate need of a social realignment in this country. We don’t just need a new Commander in Chief, we need a Healer in Chief. We don’t just need a strong, smart, and capable person, we need a person of compassion, and impeccable integrity. One who understands the importance of those qualities, doesn’t shy away from it, and unabashedly makes it a cornerstone of their platform. A paternal (or maternal) figure to reassure us that we’re safe, and that America will once again make decisions in its own best interest, and in turn, regain respect around the world.

I want the 2020 candidate to value sanity, integrity, compassion, compromise, and respect as much as equal pay, border security, climate change action, 3 a.m. calls, and a denunciation of Russia and other rogue nations. I want a diplomat, not a bully. I want a practical strategist, not an ideologue.

We need normalcy restored. We can’t allow ourselves to forget what that looks like. If we don’t take aggressive measures to restore it as soon as possible, we will have forever lost a critical component on which this country was founded. Justice for all.

Until we restore civility, we will never be able to go forward with anything resembling a functioning government — progressive proposals, and media darlings be damned. I pray the media doesn’t give that desperate need for cultural reform a passing glance in favor of tropes about eating salad with a fork, or the Bernie bros trolling the old Hillary people, or ginned-up discussions about Democrats being socialists.

Joe and Beto give me hope that they feel the same. I have faith that either of those men will make a firm commitment not only for tax, immigration, climate change and healthcare reform — but integrity reform.

I’m keeping my mind open, though. My current hope is a Biden/Beto ticket, although any candidate(s) who can assure me that an honest, open, respectful dialogue about where we need to go as citizens of the world, will have my ear and my open mind.

There’s also Corey, whom I’ve loved, and whose career I’ve followed for the last 9 years, ever since seeing him speak as Mayor of Newark at a college commencement (that whole marijuana legalization thing doesn’t hurt). There’s Kamala, who is anyone’s definition of a superstar. I love Stacey Abrams. Anyone who can kill it with a State of the Union rebuttal, and not become the next morning’s punchline, is a force to be reckoned with. Amy Klobuchar and Kirsten Gillebrand are both women that I would have thrown my full support behind 2 years ago. Pete Buttigieg is an absolute comer (pleeeeze check him out, if you already haven’t). And, Jay Inslee is boldly making climate change the cornerstone of his campaign. I feel confident that any one of these individuals would be worthy stewards of our country.

There is no arguing that the Democrats have an embarrassment of riches. Where we go, where we end up, and the journey that takes us there is anyone’s guess. We are in brand new territory right now as a country, with little to fall back on in order to fairly prognosticate.

I’m writing this post because I’m curious as to what you guys in the US think — what are your thoughts right now? Who makes you weak in the knees? Does anyone? Who is a total turn-off, and why?

There will be a lot to digest over the next 20 months, and miles to go before we sleep.